Never Say - KR

In this installment of the Dream series, KR speaks on his performance at Central Michigan University OBU Apollo. If you didn't know I go to CMU and I did ask him to at least touch on it and after a bump, this is what I received. I did tweet while at the apollo and this is what it said: Alex_Washington: #lowkey I'm STILL mad at how #CMU did @KrackDiesel, like that really got under my skin ... Like something serious.

Note: Before I get started, I wanna give Alex Washington my apologies. Sometimes when someone gets pissed they black out and forget about the consequences of their actions. Anything I say is a reflection of me, not her, DO NOT get that twisted. The last thing I would want to do is put her in any awkward situation due to a conflict of interests.

I turned my own CD off. Me and my girlfriend rode back to Detroit. I was licking my wounds, all out confused. I didn't even wanna hear myself. I didn't wanna hear anyone. We rode in silence.

I brought her to the event. She'd been supporting my music since she met me five years ago. She's one of my #1 fans through and through. In addition to that, she hadn't been able to make my past couple of performances because we had no babysitter for our child. She was excited about seeing me perform for the first time in a while. I was excited for her to see me.

I drove two and a half hours to this place, expecting to take another step towards getting my name out there. Every performance is an opportunity to gain a fan, and I'm sure that's why artists of my stature (unknown) go to such lengths to perform wherever we can fit in. The only people I even knew at Central were people I hadn't even met in person. I was coming into a new situation with a relatively small backing.

That never stopped me before.

From Callahan's Bar & Grill in Auburn to The Shelter in the D. I've never had a performance where people didn't come up to me and salute the performance. Real n*gga sh*t. I'm used to at least one person stepping to me and telling me how well I did. It's no longer unusual to get a few new followers on twitter just based off a performance.

Which brings us to Central Michigan University's Apollo Night...

Horrendous.

I got booed THEE F*CK off stage. First time ever-might not even be the last time. I'm still not quite sure.

Here's what you may be wondering, was it because I bombed? Did I forget my lines? Were the songs wack? Watered down?

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No.

In fact, I consciously switched up from one of my more friendly tracks to a couple of my lyrically dense ones. I wanted to show off the bars! Everybody loves bars right!?

I'm standing back stage fighting off the urge to piss on myself (it happens before every performance, and maybe that is too much information, but F*CK IT). I'm hopping up and down trying to get it together. I look on the other side of the backstage area.

"Is that a n*gga with a dress on?" I mumbled to myself.

It then came over me...that was the muthaf*ckin Sandman...

"Sh*t..." I said to myself hopping up in down before mouthing my lyrics into my fist holding an imaginary mic.

I was nervous. As usual. I felt ready to pass out, just like I always did prior to a performance. It was nothing different though. Everything was business as usual. After being introduced I came out, heard a few cheers and screams. A few. I shouted my n*ggaz out from Skigh High and it was time...

It's simple...

My head's gettin bigger than the giant stone from the Legends of the Hidden Temple

Simple but effective in my mind. A Nickelodeon nostalgia line designed to put a smile on a face or get a chuckle. I'm sure they caught it...

The bad b*tch with me, she's not a mirage

And her head always BANG like Nicki Minaj

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Now let me be real, I would never in a million years have the foresight to think I would get booed after that bar! Were these n*ggaz not paying attention. That was a dope line to me...you know, Nicki always wearing that same bang-the aforementioned bad b*tch with me gave banging head! Did they think I dissed her? I didn't get it...that would be some d*ckriderish sh*t to do.

The booing got worse and worse. I just kept going, taking a look at JFin. He seemed uneasy with the booing, I could see it in his eyes. He couldn't believe it. Neither could I.

The music's volume was seemingly lowered as I transitioned from "Yall Ain't F*ckin WIth Us IV" to "Kill Yourself". While I'm thinking, "What the F*CK!?" I just keep going hardly able to hear the beat. Out the corner of my eye, I see The Sandman coming out and he's holding some construction paper in his hands. He begins walking back and forth and the booing gets louder.

To make things worse, the f*ckin DJ starts mixing over my f*ckin beat!

It feels like sabotage. Nothing I can say will make them stop. My music cuts off.

I'm admittedly embarrassed. I walk over and hand the mic off and leave the stage. A white dude backstage gives me a pound.

"It's cool man, it was nothing you could do."

I keep replaying it in my mind, and maybe he was telling the truth. A n*gga left the stage hurt.

My girl sent a text to my phone, "F*ck them baby, you did great.". I smiled for a moment and sat down back in the audience before tweeting about my experience.

KrackDiesel: I got booed. #boo

I then received these tweets...

itsKingpin: @KrackDiesel dude u already kno how ppl are biased n sh*t. all u can do is give ur best performance. f*ck n*ggas

EuroLiz: @KrackDiesel no that seriously was some bullsh*t. I'm mad

YoungSlapz: @KrackDiesel im not even listening to dude and i know he cant rap better than you lol

alneeZy: Really wish they wouldve let @KrackDiesel do his thing. The crowd isn't hip to talent. Had to do y job though.

Roborobb: @KrackDiesel you got boo'ed how? Are you serious? That's rediculous ... That crowd has no respect

LadyTe: @KrackDiesel F THEM......HATERS.....

GQ5050: @KrackDiesel N*ggas simply just ain't ready homie

_sweetbrownSUGA: @KrackDiesel don't feel bad dame. soon these same ppl are gonna be tryna get free tickets to every performance

FinisKing: What n*ggas don't get...is ppl took mad time, MAD time, to do this sh*t. Drove multiple hrs between the whole squad, just to come to yo school, entertain yall n*ggas, and help yall have a good time. It pisses me off when my f*ckin bro, who spit better than 98% of the human population [challenge it if u want], can't even finish his f*cking song just cuz its hoe a** n*ggas in the crowd booin before they even listen to the sh*t he sayin. This is why rap is f*cked up now. n*ggas supportin the wrong sh*t. If the sh*t was me, I wuda said I was mad and left it at that. But the whole sh*t is, I know what it took for @KrackDiesel to even get out here. On sum dummy mission sh*t.

It made me feel better temporarily, but I watched my n*ggaz from Skigh High along with my brother Fin get booed. I'd say Fin put up the best fight, and I'm proud of him for it. He almost had a Ron Artest moment, but hey...

Then I'm looking on twitter and I see my n*gga, G Wood tweet about feeling his performance wasn't up to snuff.

Bullsh*t.

I think that was my breaking point. People might not know, but that was G's first performance EVER. These hatin a** n*ggaz got him to feel as if his performance was lacking just because they wanted to make themselves feel good. You know how quick that type of sh*t could break someone? Not just Hip-Hop, with anything! It's the first time you get to present an audience something from your heart, and they sh*t on it.

I ain't known G for but some months, but I know the last thing he is, is a weak n*gga, but I don't even know how I'd react to that happening to me. It did something to my pride, and I'm usually the type that thrives on adversity.

So I pose this question to the people who attended Central's Apollo.

What made you boo these guys?

It's this type of ignorance that stops us from being sh*t. I don't wanna spin it in that negative aspect, but f*ck if it ain't true. You got young talented black men trying to entertain you, and you sh*t on them. You make your mind up about what you want to see and don't listen to the lyrics. You don't listen to the beat. You close your f*ckin ears. And for what? To cheer for the n*ggaz you know, who aren't half as talented as the people you don't know.

Then you had MEN booing this real Hip-Hop sh*t, but letting three men dressed like baby triplets take off their shirts and hip roll without a second thought. That's homo. That's one thing I refuse to understand. I don't give a f*ck if what I'm saying isn't politically correct, that sh*t is homo. Y'all can let them perform and it's a problem for us to have five minutes of your time to rap?

They tell us we can't curse, but they can simulate eating pussy and all that other sexual sh*t. Beyond that being a double standard, that sh*t was corny anyway. Kids in the audience my a**...

Which brings me to another point. I tried to holler at the girl behind the event, Carmen, through text message to let her know I appreciated the opportunity but I took a lot of time to get to Mt. Pleasant from Detroit and my time was seemingly wasted. I offered to send her my music to actually showcase my skill. You know what she sent me back?

Nothing.

Stay classy, young lady.

So I sit back, a lot more reflective now and wonder if it's just part of the game. I figure it is, but I feel awkward when I see other people get booed.

I guess it comes with the territory. I'm just really disappointed in that crowd, I expected so much better. I expected more from my peers. I expected more from fans of Hip-Hop. Maybe there weren't any fans of Hip-Hop there in attendance outside of my cheering section. I'm starting to learn the older I become that some things are out of your hands, and to be angry about something that you can't control is wasted energy.

So for my fellow Hip-Hoppers, if you wanna do this, know it happens to us all at one point or another. Just don't let that deter you. If it does, you probably ain't built for this. I'm just gonna keep going harder. I won't let anyone defeat me.

"No more games, I'ma change what you call rage

Tear this muthaf*ckin roof off like two dogs caged

I was playin in the beginning, the mood all changed

I've been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage

But I kept rhymin and stepped right in the next cypher

Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper" - Lose Yourself